Being Understood

Digital journalism a conversation? I don't think so

One of my intentions for 2008 is to stop reading the comments after stories in the online version of the Globe & Mail, our national newspaper. They showcase uninspired and uninspiring nonsense posted by people who seem, with a few exceptions, to be ill-informed, ethnocentric, regionally oriented and partisan conspiracy theorists hiding behind anonymity.  The outpouring of ignorance and intolerance is especially disturbing because these creatures are my fellow citizens. The news is bad enough; witnessing people at their least charitable makes it even worse.

Effective Communication Practices for 2008

Over the past few weeks, I've read nearly a dozen books on leadership, communication and change as I prepare to lead two new workshops. My creative process seems to demand that I read up on the subject, just to make sure I haven't missed some new and breathtaking idea that will render my current knowledge obsolete. Though I discovered nothing that will rearrange life as I know it, I did spot a pattern that seems to lead to success.

A few key behaviours seem to improve our communication as leaders, as change agents and as human beings.

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

As the last page of the calendar streaks by with alarming speed, let's grab a few minutes to check the rear view mirror and invest some precious time to assess where we (and our organizations) have been.  Noticing what we've achieved in the past 12 months is an excellent way to launch the plans we make for the new year.

With our eyes firmly fixed on where we're headed, we often forget to celebrate or even notice what we've already accomplished. As a coach, I often ask clients to catch themselves doing something well and stop to savour the moment. I can, sometimes, forget to take my own advice.

Last week, I made time to do that, as I joined with a friend and fellow solopreneur to refine our business plans and set action priorities for 2008. Our first activity was to make a note of what we'd each achieved. At her suggestion, we also listed the names of people who had helped us get there.

Yes, It's OK To Say "No!" Revisited

Once upon a time, I was an over-committed community volunteer headed for burnout.  Things were bad.  I felt angry and resentful. Any joy I had ever found in giving my time to charitable organizations I admired was long gone.

I dropped all activities but one (my professional association) and learned how to put boundaries around my giving. And I wrote about my learning in an article called Yes, It's OK To Say "No!"  I regularly get requests from publishers and other coaches and consultants for permission to use it in their work.

Today, I had a reason to revisit the article.  I received an e-mail from someone we'll call "Lori," who finds that the newsletter she's producing for a volunteer organization is taking twice as long to do as she was led to expect.  She was looking for advice.  She wrote: "I’m inclined to keep my word and trudge on, but this last month’s issue took away from my family and job responsibilities. If I say no and stop doing the newsletter, does this set a bad example for my kids, telling them it’s OK to quit after I’ve committed to something? " It was this concern about what sort of lessons we teach through our behaviours that touched me the most. 

Who are you?

For the past few weeks, I've been dancing around with an idea presented by my friend Donna Karlin, the Shadow Coach and founder of A Better Perspective. The idea sits in front of my nose in 36-point type.

“People become who they might be when they let go of who they are.”

In my own struggle to let go, my heart leaps and pirouettes with vivid energy, excited by the possibility of discovering and becoming who I might be. My head takes steps rehearsed and perfected through decades of practice designed to keep me as I am. I promise you, this dance is not a sexy tango; it's more like a barroom brawl.

Brain scientists suggest the desire to change, however sincere or necessary, collides with the human brain’s natural aversion to change. That ancient “fight or flight” mechanism takes over when events, feelings or thoughts don’t match the old patterns. That primitive part of our brain interprets this as “danger” and renders us temporarily incapable of rational thought. It fills our head with worry, anxiety and other nonsense and our bodies with cortisol, adrenaline and who knows what other forms of crap and corruption. So we don’t change.

Two years ago, I thought I had changed forever and for good, for once and for all. I was invited to contribute a chapter to a book about women and power. In writing it, I determined that I had found my real self and was, henceforth, going to be that. My chapter, posted here, Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear, describes the emergence of Susanna, my bolder, greater, less inhibited alter ego. She is the creature I was meant to be. It's a good story. It aims to help others discover their own inner Susanna, and I occasionally hear from people who've been touched by it or inspired to find their own true selves.

The Reference Letter - Step by Step

How do you capture the essence of a real person on paper?  That was a client's question, this week. He'd been asked to write a testimonial letter for someone he likes and respects and wanted to know if there's a format for such things.

I'd never seen a formula, though I've written scads of these things for employees and colleagues applying for jobs, school admission or nonprofit board positions. Since some sort of structure helps almost anyone write almost anything, I documented a process for my young client - and for you - in the following eight steps. 

Real Conversation - Part 2

Here's Part 2 of the condensed version of the arguments supporting giving face-to-face communication more attention. They are extracted from Real Conversation - the most powerful business tool your organization will ever use, my presentation at the recent Ragan Corporate Communications Conference.

Brain scientists speak: "Humans have to talk!"

Developments in neuroscience are showing us that conversation has tangible physical effects on us as human beings.

In an era where people are paid to think, it’s probably no coincidence that there’s a lot of research examining how our brains work. Using new tools, graduate students everywhere are hooking folks up to functional MRIs to see which parts of their brains light up when they do or think about various things.

There’s evidence that we’re genetically “hardwired” to communicate face-to-face. Moreover, we actually need the company of other humans. It keeps us human.

Real Conversation - Part 1

Earlier this month, I spoke at the excellent Ragan Corporate Communications Conference, in Chicago.  My topic? Real Conversation - the most powerful business tool your organization will ever use. 

One of the topics I tackled was how to convince leaders and managers to pay closer attention to conversation in the workplace. People found it useful, so I thought I'd share it with my regular readers. So here - in two installments - is the Reader's Digest version of that section of my talk.

Making the Case for Face-To-Face

OK. Here we are, face-to-face, because that’s the way human beings were meant to communicate. We’re here to have a conversation about conversation. More precisely, we’ll discuss ways to get authentic, productive, valuable, human conversations going on in our organizations, instead of the same old bla bla bla – or worse – silence. It’s a quest organizations have been on for a long time.

I recently read a story from the 1950s. Before he founded WL Gore & Associates and started making GoreTex, Bill Gore, worked for chemical giant DuPont. He observed that there were only two places at work he ever heard a meaningful conversation. One was on task forces, where people have a clear and important short term purpose. The other was the car pool. In the car, everyone was equal, everyone was smart and the conversations were brilliant. Unfortunately, when they reached the parking lot, everyone straightened their ties, put on their work faces, stepped into the hierarchy and - conversation over.

You call this entertainment?

It's hard to be a Help Desk person. We customers only call when we're angry or confused or both.  If only we could just learn to enjoy:

• waiting (Kenny G is Top Of The Pops on "Hold" this week)
• listening to long multilingual messages that don't make sense in any language
• bouncing between service people (I suspect they have a [Random] button to send us to other departments where we will hear, "That's not my job," immediately before they ask the obligatory question, "Is there anything more I help you with today?")
• getting nowhere and taking forever to get there

In a bid to be the "ideal customer," I have started to use my problems as entertainment, for both myself and Help Desk employees. I had a great chat, this morning, with someone at Bell Canada. He was wonderful and had the customer service spirit so often missing in call centres.

The Deadbeat Harrassment System
I'm not a Bell customer, except for the occasional pay phone. However, I'm receiving daily "Pay up or die!" calls from an automated  system that asks me to call a phone number that turns out to be the credit department at Bell. It seems a former holder of my new phone number hasn't met  some of her financial obligations. I know this because Bell wasn't the only firm calling about monies owed. Fortunately, the others sent humans or included an account number in their recorded messages. These companies understand that communication requires some content and contact.

Not so Bell Canada, which is, ironically, Canada's largest communications network and has corporate communication departments in several cities. This was the sixth time I had called Bell on this matter - and the first time anyone seemed interested. This lovely agent dug into my case like detective Hercule Poirot. He revealed that, for this giant company whose business is phones and phoning, a phone number is insufficient information. He searched on all my particulars, diver's licence, social insurance nubmer, and such, just to rule out identity theft. Then he determined, to his and my regret, that there is absolutely nothing he or Bell can do to stop the system from hassling me.

A solution is found (maybe)
Firmly convinced that you can always get good service if you communicate, I didn't give up. There is a possible solution. Caller blocking! So the next few times Bell calls, I can note the time and caller phone number and my telco can stop the nonsense. 

How do I know this? You guessed it.  I called the Rogers Telecom Help Desk.

Cheers - Sue

Communication Sinners - Are You One?

I have invested far too many hours, this weekend, trying to sort out a communication mess.  A member of a volunteer board, on which I serve, has, effectively punched the rest of us in the head.

We probably deserve it.

There are sins of commission and sins of omission. Both forms are present on both sides of this particular communication mess.

The sin commtted is that of  working up a good sense of outrage, sending off the e-mail equivalent of a nuclear attack on the entire world, and sitting back to watch the explosion 

I confess.  In my younger, stupider days, I committed that very sin, myself, though on a smaller scale (and using cleaner, crisper, clearer language).  I loved being outraged and articulate about it. Later, I became a journalist, and was paid to commit that sin.

In the situation this group faces, today, it's the sins of omission that are more disturbing.